Demo of Feelings and Needs

Notes from one challenging day last week

I woke up this morning feeling panic. After trying to go back to sleep I finally decided to check in and see what it was about and how I could help.

The feeling was a tightness in my stomach. I heard the word “emergency”. The thoughts came that this is an emergency in my country, and I should be working on it 24/7/365. Why wouldn’t I? Wasn’t it important? How could I be sleeping, or working, or eating, when there were dire things going on?

It took a few minutes and several deep breaths to unblend so I could think and help this part. What it was saying made sense, up to a point. There is an emergency. I do want to prioritize it. But it doesn’t seem to me to be the type of emergency that is short term and I can spend 24/7 on it. I would burn out very quickly. If there were an ice storm or a power outage that would foreseeably be done soon I could do that. But this seems like a longer-term thing. Plus, right now I don’t know what actions are most effective to do. That will take some gathering info.

And meanwhile, there are lots of other parts with different needs and different ideas of how to help the situation. They want attention too.

So I decided to listen to several parts that want some time during the day and the week, and make a “time sharing” arrangement with them. What are the DIFFERENT needs in my system? I want to meet them all, as much as possible. Here’s what I came up with. Your parts will probably have different feelings and needs, so your plan will be different. And you might just want to start with one or two parts and needs. But I thought it might help to see one idea.

1. Political emergency part (I thought I should start with that one since it came up first).

Feelings- afraid of government deteriorating, harming people, causing economic and social breakdown, suffering by me and others.

Needs- These parts need stability and safety (physical and emotional). They also need to be seen and heard, to connect with others, and to have shared power over our own futures.

Plan for meeting the needs: investigate groups to join, spend time comforting the scared parts (letting them know I’ll do the best I can, and I’m safe right now), meditate on what is MY path in helping resolve this dilemma.

2. Parts wanting to help and connect with people

Feelings- sad about what’s happening, worried about people who need help and can’t get it, also worried about being isolated in my apartment building

Needs- belonging, participation, mutuality, sharing

Plan- write and publish this post, write a new one for this week also (Sorry- I didn’t publish one last week), meeting and communicating with people in my building

3. Parts wanting self-care and fun.

Feelings- exhaustion, sadness, hopelessness, fear, tired of feeling guilty when I relax for a little while

Needs- joy, play, pleasure, rejuvenation, humor

Plan- spend at least 30 minutes per day on spontaneous fun and relaxation, no agenda

4. Parts feeling responsibility to clients, to my business as an emotional healing coach, to family and friends

Feelings- fear of not having money, fear that family and friends can’t get the help they need, fear of isolation

Needs- food and shelter, sharing, belonging, love

Plan- go to all client meetings, gather with friends and family as planned

It felt good in my system to listen to these different voices and needs. I don’t want to ignore any of them; they’re all really important. I intend to put each of these into my calendar this week, and see how my time sharing can work out. I know it won’t be perfect, but hopefully it will be a healthier way to plan my time than just ignoring needs and then hiding from the knowledge of unmet needs in distractions like phone games or tv.

Wishing you well in your path of noticing and naming emotions, and finding and meeting your needs. I’ve been seeing the words “relaxing is a revolutionary act” this week on Facebook. Maybe inner time sharing is revolutionary too. Recognizing and meeting our own needs is important at times like this. Especially in times like this!